Empty Thoughts, Empty Words.

I just endured almost three hours of humiliation and verbal abuse at the lips of my stepfather.

I'm empty and exhausted, like a camel who has traversed the desert and now falls exhausted, it's hump sagging and empty, onto the side of a dune, the sun beating mercilessly down upon him. I have nothing left. I am crushed, a crumbling creation ruined by neglect and weathered by time.

Told my words are nothing, worthless. Called names by those who should be the ones I turn to for comfort, I shall struggle to endure. My hardships may be weak in comparison to what my parents endured, but that time and place was different, and my problems are important to me.

Sometimes there is no one to turn to. Those that listen cannot help, and those that want to help cannot do anything. Hostility and disinterest on all sides. I shall have to grow even more callous and uncaring. Shelter my heart and soul in a secret indestructible cocoon of crystallized tears. Protect the very core of me while others break me. I can withstand agony, I can withstand loneliness. It's when they get into your head that you must be the most careful and protective.

No matter, I shall learn.

I have no more tears left after three hours.

The one thing left in me is a quote, from a movie that brings me hope in darkness:

"Many, many years ago in a sad, faraway land, there was an enormous mountain made of rough, black stone. At sunset, on top of that mountain, a magic rose blossomed every night that made whoever plucked it immortal. But no one dared go near it because its thorns were full of poison. Men talked amongst themselves about their fear of death, and pain, but never about the promise of eternal life. And every day, the rose wilted, unable to bequeath its gift to anyone... forgotten and lost at the top of that cold, dark mountain, forever alone, until the end of time."
~Pan's Labyrinth

I shall curl up in bed, shut my eyes tight, and hope that by some magic or fate, this world will spin the other way, and the winds of change will carry me to my true home far away.